Our Parents Didn't Have a Clue Either

Stumbling upon a life lesson has been a part of my growth process and one thing that was uncovered was the fact that our parents didn’t have a clue either. When we were growing up, our parents were in the middle of navigating through their own highs and lows. Yes, they made the choice to have us, but they honestly didn’t know what to expect. The traumas that were accidentally and intently inflicted on us were a result of their own issue spilling out onto those around them.  

As a trauma-informed life coach, I started to look at the circumstances of my parents to make sense of why I had become the woman that I was. Both of my parents had their own plights in life that I acknowledge, but the trauma, trust issues, codependency, and anxiety issues I have experienced were placed upon me unfairly. It is a journey to understand the issues, restore confidence, and heal completely and it isn’t fair to have to deal with it all. However, it has to be done. One way to champion the pain, anger, and any other shadows that you hold is to forgive the first people who brought it on.  

Forgive them for your own sanity. Forgive yourself for holding onto it, hurting others as a result of it, and hauling it around like a big suitcase. Avoid allowing your pain to become destructive anger where there's no positive result because it’s just repetitive and hurtful. Focus on solving the source of the hurt and respond by finding ways to nurture yourself into a better person. Process the trauma and move forward with your life. 

Here are 5 ways on how to forgive your parents:

1. Make a list of your triggers, traumatic experiences, and things you wish to change and write gratitude, intentional, and manifestation statements to create a transformational thought-process to forgive. 
2. Handwrite out your boundaries and from that day, stick with them and apply them to your life with everyone. 
3. Consider the importance of the person in your life and determine if they are worth keeping. 
4. Start a campaign of self love to uplift yourself and create a better healing place for you to be open to forgiveness and conquering your pain. 
5. Allow yourself time to process the pain before you forgive. You are forgiving not forgetting. You want to feel throughout the process, you deserve to feel, heal, and possibly forgive. 

Now forgiveness doesn’t have a timeline so this isn’t a message to forgive today. This article is just to tell you the benefits of forgiving someone else in your life to help you get further along in your journey. Forgiveness is just one of the routes and if you are doing the shadow work, it’s a part of the journey to becoming a healthier you. Coach Jasmine teaches women how to chase themselves and how to hold themselves accountable. Make sure on your journey that you are present and giving yourself grace.